I'm sitting here at 4AM in a lot of pain. I have a bottle of oxycodone sitting next to me. I'm loathe to take any, though. I've read that oxycodone is a man made form of heroin, and as addictive. So I'm self medicating with scotch and telling myself that the pain isn't really all that bad. Although it is.
I can do this. I've been through worse. When I was 19, I blew my back out lifting a quarter keg of beer out of the back seat of my '67 Camaro Z28. I spent three days in bed afterwards, unable to move. I can do this.
Not.
Today is my 63rd birthday. I honestly don't know what to do. The pain is intense. The side effects of the drugs suck. All this scotch helps a lot, but probably isn't good for me either.
I have tears running down my face.
Man, this hurts. I guess that's to be expected, what with getting hit on the head with a tree and all. But when does this stop? Constant pain... no appetite and can't eat... I'm wasting away.
It is now 8 AM. I read the above to Pamela. I told her it was pathetic and I was going to delete it. She said no.
"Post it. A couple of years from now, you can go back and read it and remember what it was like."
Having the love of my life next to me makes all this easier. And my Ruby has been amazingly supportive as well. Pitbulls were once known as "nanny dogs" because they're so protective. That would be Ruby. She comes to me constantly during the day, wanting loving pats on the head and scratches behind her ears, letting me know she's here for me.
I can't imagine going through this alone. I really can't. Pamela and Ruby make it bearable. Their love is my birthday gift. Happy birthday to me.
I can do this. I've been through worse. When I was 19, I blew my back out lifting a quarter keg of beer out of the back seat of my '67 Camaro Z28. I spent three days in bed afterwards, unable to move. I can do this.
Not.
Today is my 63rd birthday. I honestly don't know what to do. The pain is intense. The side effects of the drugs suck. All this scotch helps a lot, but probably isn't good for me either.
I have tears running down my face.
Man, this hurts. I guess that's to be expected, what with getting hit on the head with a tree and all. But when does this stop? Constant pain... no appetite and can't eat... I'm wasting away.
It is now 8 AM. I read the above to Pamela. I told her it was pathetic and I was going to delete it. She said no.
"Post it. A couple of years from now, you can go back and read it and remember what it was like."
Having the love of my life next to me makes all this easier. And my Ruby has been amazingly supportive as well. Pitbulls were once known as "nanny dogs" because they're so protective. That would be Ruby. She comes to me constantly during the day, wanting loving pats on the head and scratches behind her ears, letting me know she's here for me.
I can't imagine going through this alone. I really can't. Pamela and Ruby make it bearable. Their love is my birthday gift. Happy birthday to me.
"Youth is a gift -- age is a work of art."
ReplyDeleteI saw this on Helen Nearing's kitchen wall in Brooksville Maine and it struck me as true. You've got an added challenge to your 'life art' exacerbated by your personality of always-doing-something. Stillness (maybe even more so combined with pain) is an opportunity to explore areas of your being you may not have explored before. This may be what you're supposed to learn here.
Meditation and breathing can be powerful tools to get you through this time while providing useful strength for the coming years. I am years out from my cervical injury now but remember it well. I don't do everything I used to do, which is a good thing. Time is the only cure so choose well, grasshopper.
Glad you're surrounded by love on your birthday!
You will get through this. Lean on your loved ones as you are doing and it WILL get better! Take the pain meds. I understand your concern about getting addicted, but take them in moderation. I pray the Good Lord eases your pain and gets you well quick! I'll tell you what, you get better and I will send you a box of my wife's famous cookies! If you cant eat them, you can use them as bricks for the foundation in your new house. Happy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteHappy B'Day Dave....
ReplyDeleteAll you need is withdrawal symptoms from Oxcy when you're healed...
Maybe you should try a different pain killer or a anti inflammatory such as Naproxen-- Naproxen worked for me when I had bursitis or at least made in bearable... Codeine did nothing for my pain...
Hang in there Dave it will pass with time...
Sucks. I feel for you (really!). Here's my shitty birthday present:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.refinethemind.com/the-story-of-my-near-death-experience/
Happy Birthday, young man. You sound absolutely miserable. I really hope you persist in getting further diagnosis and treatment. Your irrepressible positive outlook sounds really challenged right now. Understandable. Suck it up and show your body who's the Boss.
ReplyDeleteTom
Be easy on yourself ole guy.
ReplyDeleteDoug
Not the best birthday by the sounds of it Dave. My prayers are going up for you. Happy Birthday!!!
ReplyDeletePs: after my husband was felled by a tree last October he was told it'd be 6-8 weeks until he felt better. Around week 5 he was discouraged but sure enough by week 8 he was feeling better. (The tree hit him between his shoulders, just off-center). I slept in our recliner for 5 weeks when I had cervical spine problems because it was the only place I could sleep. I found it good to take short walks to loosen up the rest of my body.
ReplyDeletePT hints that helped: A down pillow is useful cause you can scrunch it so it fills the right spots. Also, a pillow under your knees. And when reading, put the (book) on a couch pillow on your lap - less stress on the neck.
It's hard to see beyond the "discomfort" (a euphemism they use when you're in labor) when you're in the thick of it.
Take heart...
Happy belated birthday wishes Dave,
ReplyDeleteChin up old friend, you’ll get better… I’m truly sorry you have to bear this misery; my best advice is to stick with the drugs, the Docs know best. Lay off the booze it’s not helping.
I can’t say this very often, but I think of you several times a day. I’m sending you my thoughts and prayers.
Get well soon and keep up the blogs, I’m here to read your take on life (no matter how down you feel) with great pleasure.
Thorp