Our Bleecker Mountain Weight Loss Program was developed in accordance with the time honored tradition of picking up rocks. Picking up rocks is something our ancestors have done for thousands of years. This is not just an American tradition, but goes back even to ancient Europe. Who are we to question?
After studying the technique in-depth, we here at Bleecker Mountain Life have developed the following weight loss/toning regimen.
After studying the technique in-depth, we here at Bleecker Mountain Life have developed the following weight loss/toning regimen.
First, if you're over 50, there's none of this "lift with your legs, not your back" nonsense. I can hardly bend down to put on my socks let alone pick up rocks with my legs. This is the classic "stoop" position. Notice the arched back. Classic.
Carry the rock at belt level. Do NOT carry a rock over your head, no matter how many people are watching. Rocks can be slippery.
Toss in bucket, keeping your toes well out of the way.
Bend over in exhaustion. Pant. Repeat, for hours.
The Bleecker Mountain Weight Loss Program makes not only people tired who do it, or watch it, but dogs too. Ruby was exhausted watching me lose weight. Don't roll over, Ruby.
If you'd like more information on The Bleecker Mountain Weight Loss Program, or the Bleecker Mountain Do-It-yourself Stone Wall Kit (patent pending), comment below and I'll get back to you. Openings are still available for qualified individuals.
To qualify, applicants must be breathing.
I was considering your many amazing offers until I saw your method of picking up rocks. Since I already have the bend over at the waist/pant heavily method down to a science I'll have to decline on your offer. However, I could give you an awesome deal on some good ole Red Oklahoma clay/dirt for Bleecker Mountain. It would look great mixed in with those rocks!
ReplyDeleteRed Okie clay/dirt sounds intriguing, Mark. Do you deliver?
DeleteFor a price Dave. But for you.... maybe we can swap some Red Okie clay/dirt for some terrific Adirondack rocks! I can be the first in my neighborhood with a Bleecker Mountain do-it-yourself rock wall (patent pending).
DeleteYes-- Your program sounds FAB!! Do you have overnight housing?? Or do your guests have to sleep in TDD!!
ReplyDeleteWe do have overnight housing. In keeping with time honored Bleecker tradition, we offer our "Sleep in a Tree so you Don't Get Eaten by a Bear" accommodations. You will awaken refreshed and alert, and if you kept your balance, unbruised.
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