Sunday, October 1, 2017

The Bleecker Mountain Weight and Height Loss Program

I've been reading old entries on this blog, enjoying the ones where we were working on our ten acres in preparation for building our off grid homestead.  Good stuff, at least for me.

I chucked at my nefarious schemes to get rid of rocks and make a few bucks.  The Bleecker Mountain Do-it-yourself Stone Wall Kit (some assembly required).  The Bleecker Mountain Rock of the Month Club (getting desperate now).  Lots of tongue in cheek humor in there.

But the posts about the Bleecker Mountain Weight Loss Program set a different tone.  When we left the boat and started working the land, I was 6' 1" tall and weighed 202 pounds.  A little overweight for my ectomorph frame.  Then we started working, and I was down to 197, and then 183.  And then I got whacked with a tree, breaking my neck.  While no longer capable of hard labor, I also didn't eat much and maintained my weight.

A year or so later, I visited my PA in Caroga Lake for a check-up.  The nurse assistant took my blood pressure and told me what it was (I don't recall now) and my weight (180 or so), and my height.

"Five feet ten inches," she said.

"What?  No, I'm six feet one inch." my manly self protested.

"Let me check again," she said.  "Actually, you're five feet nine and three quarters."

Well, this was news.  How did I lose three inches... THAT TREE!  It smacked me square on the head, and must have compressed my vertebrae.  That bastard!  Now I'm... AVERAGE!  Me? 

So, if you are overweight and too tall, sign up now for the Bleecker Mountain Weight and Height Loss Program.  Sign up today and get a free rock!  Operators are standing by.

By the way, I am now down to 163.  ~sniff~